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What kind of ridiculous beings are we that the phrase “I slept wrong and hurt my back” is a thing and that it’s fairly common to hear. Eating, sleeping, excreting; that’s what living things do, and we’re even getting that wrong. Ugh.

V has her first field trip today.

Just… whoa. She’s a big kid now who big kid things. They’re going to a farm to do all sorts of fall type stuff. Hay ride, seeing how cider is made, I think decorating sugar pumpkins. She’s been so excited and going to have tons of fun.

Who am I? This office worker (who literally said, “I have to leave early for work; there’s going to be a video conference with the head of the company” last week). This 30 year old who reunited with and married her high school sweetheart. This mom of a 5 year old going on her first school field trip. This homeowner with a dead dad and a disowned mom.

Not the person I thought I would be 10 years ago, when I was still a theater major in community college, dating a string of guys who are either sweet but stupid or smart and manipulative. The girl who was adamant that she would never have kids. The girl working in the supermarket where people (including my brother) frequently got stuck as a career and where I quietly assumed I would end up.

I feel like I’ve spent the last year, or more, watching an invisible set of scales shift nonstop to this bizarre balance. It’s not a bad place to be, at all. Unexpected. Sometimes sad. Inevitably comfortable. It’s all mine.

Sometimes I wonder if I must appear shallow or boring here seeing as how I never discuss Big Topics. I have my reasons why I don’t.

  • I don’t know/understand enough about the subject to form a well thought out opinion.
  • The topic may be talked to death and I just have nothing new to add.
  • Consideration for followers who may be hurt by my sometimes harsh thought process. Yes, it’s my blog, and I’m allowed to have my opinions. Sometimes I just don’t know how to express them in a non-dickish way, so I keep it to myself.
  • It may hurt too much to talk about.
  • I hate teal deering, but I don’t always know how to summarize myself, so I just don’t bother trying.
  • Probably most relevant: Others have usually said it better.

I’ve caught V’s cold and tonight is our first night going live on the phones at my new job. I’ve taken some non-drowsy Sudafed and Mucinex, and I plan on mainlining tea for the rest of the day. Between working in Mass. making my accent pop out and being congested here’s hoping I sound intelligible on the phone.
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